1 00:00:03,406 --> 00:00:04,706 - Hi! - Hey! 2 00:00:04,741 --> 00:00:06,106 How's my favorite party planner? 3 00:00:06,142 --> 00:00:07,241 Party planner? 4 00:00:07,276 --> 00:00:09,711 I'm an event coordinator, Greg. 5 00:00:09,746 --> 00:00:12,046 The people in my industry have worked tirelessly 6 00:00:12,081 --> 00:00:13,948 to shed that label that diminishes us. 7 00:00:13,983 --> 00:00:15,416 You called yourself a party planner at work 8 00:00:15,452 --> 00:00:16,531 and someone yelled at you? 9 00:00:16,556 --> 00:00:19,056 Oh, yeah. Big-time. What's all this? 10 00:00:19,091 --> 00:00:20,858 Well, now that we're both working, 11 00:00:20,893 --> 00:00:23,928 no one's here during the day to take Luthor out. 12 00:00:23,963 --> 00:00:25,728 I tried teaching him to use the toilet. 13 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:26,830 That didn't go great. 14 00:00:26,865 --> 00:00:27,897 Okay. 15 00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:29,566 Just relax. 16 00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:30,567 [Water running] 17 00:00:30,602 --> 00:00:33,770 Think about pee-pee. 18 00:00:33,805 --> 00:00:34,771 [Groans] 19 00:00:34,806 --> 00:00:36,606 Now he can take himself outside 20 00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:37,707 and you can focus on work. 21 00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:38,908 Speaking of work, 22 00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:41,578 I have to go to my boss' apartment in New York tomorrow. 23 00:00:41,613 --> 00:00:44,213 - She summoned me. - Summoned? 24 00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:46,015 Whitney needs to talk to you in her office right away! 25 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:48,485 Oh, my God! I'm finally going to meet her! 26 00:00:49,588 --> 00:00:50,787 - Let's go. - Yeah. 27 00:00:50,822 --> 00:00:51,888 Let's go. 28 00:00:51,923 --> 00:00:53,456 Let's go. Come on. 29 00:00:53,492 --> 00:00:55,558 Come on. 30 00:00:55,594 --> 00:00:57,392 Come on, come on, come on. 31 00:00:57,427 --> 00:00:59,595 - [Breathes sharply] - Have a seat. 32 00:00:59,630 --> 00:01:00,796 She'll be in in just a moment. 33 00:01:00,831 --> 00:01:01,797 Okay. 34 00:01:01,832 --> 00:01:06,768 35 00:01:06,804 --> 00:01:08,770 [Beeps] 36 00:01:08,806 --> 00:01:10,138 WHITNEY: Hi, Katie. 37 00:01:10,173 --> 00:01:11,540 Hi, Whitney. 38 00:01:11,575 --> 00:01:13,308 I want you to come to my place in New York 39 00:01:13,343 --> 00:01:16,144 for a fun little mandatory meet-and-greet tomorrow night. 40 00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:18,113 I'll tell you where to go. 41 00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,215 Kevin! I want you to leave the room 42 00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:21,383 while I give Katie the address 43 00:01:21,418 --> 00:01:23,585 because you'll never be invited! 44 00:01:23,621 --> 00:01:27,923 [Laughing] 45 00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:30,425 Evidently, all new hires are required to go there 46 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:31,893 and kiss the ring. 47 00:01:31,928 --> 00:01:32,960 Or else. 48 00:01:32,996 --> 00:01:35,130 - Or else what? - I don't know. 49 00:01:35,165 --> 00:01:37,432 But it's never "or else ice cream cake," Greg. 50 00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:39,401 Up until now, I've been there on a trial basis. 51 00:01:39,436 --> 00:01:42,003 But when you go to New York and kiss the ring, 52 00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:43,671 you're all in. 53 00:01:43,706 --> 00:01:45,773 It's like I'm being made by the Mafia. 54 00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:47,242 Don't worry about the kids. I got them. You go. 55 00:01:47,277 --> 00:01:49,810 Thank you. You're a lifesaver. 56 00:01:49,846 --> 00:01:51,112 You've earned yourself two mistakes 57 00:01:51,148 --> 00:01:52,480 without me throwing it back in your face 58 00:01:52,516 --> 00:01:53,515 and doing this. 59 00:01:53,550 --> 00:01:54,516 [Imitates buzzer] 60 00:01:54,551 --> 00:01:55,283 [Chuckles] 61 00:01:55,318 --> 00:01:57,952 Okay, Luthor. Big moment, buddy. 62 00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,521 [Claps hands] 63 00:01:59,556 --> 00:02:00,588 Go on out! 64 00:02:00,623 --> 00:02:01,789 [Whines] 65 00:02:04,220 --> 00:02:05,853 He's saving it for later. 66 00:02:05,881 --> 00:02:07,380 Doesn't want to live his life all at once. 67 00:02:07,415 --> 00:02:09,315 You got to respect that. 68 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,318 Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 69 00:02:12,354 --> 00:02:19,191 70 00:02:19,227 --> 00:02:21,127 - Hey, Mrs. and Mrs. A. - Hey, Trip. 71 00:02:21,162 --> 00:02:22,462 Taylor, I think you're shrinking. 72 00:02:22,497 --> 00:02:23,863 Dad, this is Trip's jacket. 73 00:02:23,898 --> 00:02:26,366 Yeah, I know. I was making a joke, but it... 74 00:02:26,401 --> 00:02:27,673 Nobody got it, so I guess 75 00:02:27,698 --> 00:02:29,048 I was just making a confusing sentence. 76 00:02:29,072 --> 00:02:30,604 How was play rehearsal? 77 00:02:30,631 --> 00:02:31,797 Oh, I didn't go today. 78 00:02:31,832 --> 00:02:32,932 It conflicted with Trip's schedule. 79 00:02:32,967 --> 00:02:36,469 Us football girlfriends love to watch our guys practice. 80 00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:38,804 Babe, she's charging. Make yourself look big. 81 00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:39,837 Taylor, you can't Li... 82 00:02:39,873 --> 00:02:42,640 Agh! Why am I always stepping in the dog water?! 83 00:02:42,676 --> 00:02:45,043 - Run! - [Sighs] 84 00:02:45,079 --> 00:02:47,345 Taylor cannot live her life for her boyfriend. 85 00:02:47,381 --> 00:02:48,713 That is the road to becoming 86 00:02:48,748 --> 00:02:50,682 one of these spoiled housewives in this town 87 00:02:50,717 --> 00:02:53,285 where all these women do is rely on their rich husbands. 88 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,053 Better than the road she's currently on, 89 00:02:55,089 --> 00:02:56,888 which is straight to Fleer Beauty College 90 00:02:56,923 --> 00:02:59,791 and a steady diet of Hot Pockets. 91 00:02:59,826 --> 00:03:01,025 How was school today, baby? 92 00:03:01,061 --> 00:03:03,228 Mm. School be school. 93 00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:05,530 Buenas tardes, Mrs. and Mrs. Otto! 94 00:03:05,566 --> 00:03:06,798 Hey, Cooper. How's it going? 95 00:03:08,235 --> 00:03:11,035 Ooh. Mrs. Otto, you smell good! 96 00:03:11,071 --> 00:03:12,571 What's the scent you're wearing? 97 00:03:12,606 --> 00:03:14,838 - 409. - You should try mine. 98 00:03:14,873 --> 00:03:16,873 Clive Christian Imperial Cologne. 99 00:03:16,909 --> 00:03:17,908 Picked it up in Zermatt. 100 00:03:17,943 --> 00:03:20,711 It's for men, but I think you can pull it off. 101 00:03:20,746 --> 00:03:21,912 You know what I want to pull off? 102 00:03:21,947 --> 00:03:23,947 - Your arms. - You know, over the summer, 103 00:03:23,983 --> 00:03:26,484 - I really missed our little repartees. - Mm. 104 00:03:26,519 --> 00:03:28,885 But I bet you really missed Oliver. 105 00:03:30,723 --> 00:03:32,923 Yeah, yeah, they super missed me. 106 00:03:32,958 --> 00:03:34,325 Come on, Coop, let's go to my room. 107 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,928 Super missed him because he was... 108 00:03:37,963 --> 00:03:40,030 Away all summer yachting around the world 109 00:03:40,065 --> 00:03:40,831 with his great-aunt. 110 00:03:40,866 --> 00:03:43,200 - Right, with his great-aunt. - Mm. 111 00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:44,602 The Duchess of Cadbury. 112 00:03:44,637 --> 00:03:48,038 Uh, which one of you is related to her? 113 00:03:48,073 --> 00:03:49,072 I am. 114 00:03:49,108 --> 00:03:50,874 I love those creamed eggs. 115 00:03:50,909 --> 00:03:51,775 [Laughs] That makes sense. 116 00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:53,744 Cooper, go take a walk around the block. 117 00:03:53,779 --> 00:03:55,612 Good idea, Mrs. Otto! 118 00:03:55,648 --> 00:03:57,247 That'll give my new Patek Philippe watch 119 00:03:57,282 --> 00:03:59,116 a chance to wind naturally. 120 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,854 - [Door opens] - Here is Oliver 121 00:04:03,889 --> 00:04:05,288 - sailing with the Duchess. - [Door closes] 122 00:04:05,323 --> 00:04:07,057 Where is this? Italy? 123 00:04:07,092 --> 00:04:08,992 Santorini. 124 00:04:10,095 --> 00:04:11,695 So is that Italy? 125 00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:13,596 - Greece. - Ohh. 126 00:04:13,632 --> 00:04:14,898 You Photoshopped all these? 127 00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,066 I had to! 128 00:04:16,101 --> 00:04:17,233 This is Westport. 129 00:04:17,269 --> 00:04:18,769 At school, everyone gives a report 130 00:04:18,804 --> 00:04:20,436 on where they went for vacation. 131 00:04:20,472 --> 00:04:22,738 Where am I supposed to say I went... no place? 132 00:04:22,774 --> 00:04:24,540 We went to Amish Country and made candles. 133 00:04:24,575 --> 00:04:26,108 That's worse than no vacation! 134 00:04:26,144 --> 00:04:28,077 It was a 19th-century adventure. 135 00:04:28,112 --> 00:04:29,545 You are getting more superficial by the... 136 00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:30,946 Anna-Kat is doing something weird. 137 00:04:33,017 --> 00:04:34,917 She's using a small bottle of Purell 138 00:04:34,952 --> 00:04:37,486 to Purell a larger bottle of Purell. 139 00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:40,656 Anything happen at school today that we should know about? 140 00:04:40,692 --> 00:04:43,159 Well, Dr. Ellie is still not back. 141 00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:45,661 Principal Ablin said she has a medical issue, 142 00:04:45,697 --> 00:04:47,163 and he's been filling in. 143 00:04:47,198 --> 00:04:51,233 Oh, and I am never using the bathroom at school again. 144 00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:52,334 Ever. 145 00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:53,268 We've been through this. 146 00:04:53,304 --> 00:04:55,004 The bathrooms at school are totally clean. 147 00:04:55,039 --> 00:04:56,771 Are they? 148 00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,173 Are they, Greg? 149 00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:01,275 Apparently, you didn't know hand dryers 150 00:05:01,311 --> 00:05:02,977 just blow particles of poop 151 00:05:03,013 --> 00:05:04,579 back into your face! 152 00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:08,116 What? That doesn't sound right. 153 00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:10,151 That's what Principal Ablin said. 154 00:05:10,187 --> 00:05:13,988 And he's the principal, the king of all teachers. 155 00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:16,925 If I go kiss the ring, 156 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,527 then I am committing to this job. 157 00:05:19,562 --> 00:05:21,196 But how can I do that? 158 00:05:21,231 --> 00:05:23,131 How am I supposed to work a full-time job 159 00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:25,133 when I already have a full-time job 160 00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:27,268 making sure that our kids aren't jerks and weirdos? 161 00:05:27,303 --> 00:05:29,803 Don't you worry. This is just a rough patch. 162 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:30,771 I promise you, we'll fix it, 163 00:05:30,796 --> 00:05:32,282 and you'll feel good about kissing that ring. 164 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,208 Let me get this straight... we are going to find a way 165 00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:36,376 to fix our kids by tomorrow night? 166 00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:38,145 Hey, I installed a doggie door, 167 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:39,546 and I still have all my fingers. 168 00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:40,981 Anything's possible. 169 00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:43,383 So, I promise you, by tomorrow afternoon, 170 00:05:43,418 --> 00:05:46,253 these children will, in fact, be fixed. 171 00:05:48,257 --> 00:05:49,890 [Whines] 172 00:05:49,925 --> 00:05:51,291 And that dog. 173 00:05:51,326 --> 00:05:53,526 All right, then. To the hat! 174 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:59,800 175 00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:01,358 We have three kids and a dog, 176 00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:02,592 which equals four problems. 177 00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:04,427 We each pick two, divide and conquer. 178 00:06:07,231 --> 00:06:08,598 Taylor. 179 00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:11,133 Luthor. 180 00:06:13,337 --> 00:06:14,871 Foul. Dropped it. 181 00:06:14,906 --> 00:06:17,172 Goes back in. 182 00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:19,041 - You got Oliver. - Yes, I know. 183 00:06:19,076 --> 00:06:21,343 Shame. But rules are rules. 184 00:06:25,249 --> 00:06:26,649 Hup! Do-over. 185 00:06:26,684 --> 00:06:28,551 Fine, I'll just take Oliver. 186 00:06:28,586 --> 00:06:29,685 Okay. 187 00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:30,887 If I always get Oliver, 188 00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:32,822 I don't even know why we do the hat. 189 00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:36,332 190 00:06:36,357 --> 00:06:37,598 You've got Taylor and Anna-Kat. 191 00:06:37,623 --> 00:06:38,706 - I've got Oliver and Luthor. - Yeah. 192 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,683 All right, you ready? 193 00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:42,374 I wasn't ready when we had them, and I'm not ready now. 194 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:48,010 You take off that jacket and give it back to Trip. 195 00:06:48,045 --> 00:06:50,345 But all the girlfriends wear their boyfriends' jackets. 196 00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,180 Not you. 197 00:06:51,215 --> 00:06:54,016 You are your own person. Take it off. 198 00:06:54,051 --> 00:06:55,617 God, Mom, what's your major problem? 199 00:06:55,652 --> 00:06:58,187 Your whole life cannot be about some boy. 200 00:06:58,222 --> 00:06:59,722 What happens when he goes to college? 201 00:06:59,757 --> 00:07:01,389 Whoa, what boy? 202 00:07:01,425 --> 00:07:03,291 - Are you seeing someone else? - No, she's talking about you. 203 00:07:03,327 --> 00:07:04,659 No, she said that guy was going to college. 204 00:07:04,695 --> 00:07:05,693 I'm just saying, 205 00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,729 you can't put all your eggs in Trip's basket. 206 00:07:07,764 --> 00:07:09,530 Mrs. A, I understand your concerns, 207 00:07:09,565 --> 00:07:11,966 but my cousin broke my Easter basket when I was 6, 208 00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,034 so we're good. 209 00:07:13,069 --> 00:07:16,037 Trip, you have to go to the bathroom really bad. 210 00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:17,105 I do? 211 00:07:18,074 --> 00:07:19,005 I do! 212 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,987 [Bed creaks] 213 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,289 You need a life outside of Trip. 214 00:07:23,324 --> 00:07:27,127 So, from now on, you are gonna put your interests first. 215 00:07:27,162 --> 00:07:29,629 Maybe you should focus on someone other than me 216 00:07:29,665 --> 00:07:30,730 and get your own life! 217 00:07:30,766 --> 00:07:32,498 I am trying to! 218 00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:33,933 I finally get a job 219 00:07:33,969 --> 00:07:36,302 and take my eye off of you for one second, 220 00:07:36,337 --> 00:07:38,304 and you are making all the wrong decisions. 221 00:07:38,339 --> 00:07:39,572 I will ban Trip if I need to. 222 00:07:39,607 --> 00:07:42,107 All right, all right. You can't just ban my boyfriend like that. 223 00:07:42,143 --> 00:07:43,608 He's not turkey hot dogs. 224 00:07:43,644 --> 00:07:46,478 Hot dogs are all beef or nothing. 225 00:07:46,513 --> 00:07:47,813 And you'd better get your act together. 226 00:07:47,848 --> 00:07:48,947 Fine! 227 00:07:48,983 --> 00:07:50,515 Hey, Mrs. A., next time, 228 00:07:50,551 --> 00:07:51,784 can you give me more of a heads-up when I have to go? 229 00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,152 I almost didn't make it. 230 00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:56,488 231 00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:59,124 You obviously have forgotten how fortunate you are. 232 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,492 You admire Oprah. 233 00:08:00,527 --> 00:08:01,459 Well, she writes down 234 00:08:01,495 --> 00:08:03,662 three things she's grateful for every night. 235 00:08:03,698 --> 00:08:05,798 I took the liberty of writing three things down for you. 236 00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,499 In lieu of hearing that list, 237 00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:09,702 I prefer to be tied to a stake and left for the crows. 238 00:08:09,737 --> 00:08:10,535 Number one, 239 00:08:10,571 --> 00:08:12,204 you have a family that loves you. 240 00:08:12,239 --> 00:08:14,707 Two, you live in a beautiful beach town. 241 00:08:14,742 --> 00:08:17,209 And, three, you have plenty of friends. 242 00:08:17,244 --> 00:08:19,211 When all you do is look for what you don't have, 243 00:08:19,246 --> 00:08:21,012 you don't see what you do have. 244 00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:22,380 Oh, I see it. 245 00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:23,948 A sink that backs up three times a week 246 00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:25,983 and a front yard without a single mature tree. 247 00:08:26,019 --> 00:08:27,785 Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go into school 248 00:08:27,821 --> 00:08:30,488 and tell people about the vacation you actually had. 249 00:08:30,524 --> 00:08:31,690 No one's gonna think any less of you 250 00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:33,225 because you went to Amish Country. 251 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,693 Did Cooper Bradford go back in time 252 00:08:34,728 --> 00:08:36,695 and shake hands with history? 253 00:08:37,564 --> 00:08:40,565 Let's just let that sit there. 254 00:08:40,601 --> 00:08:43,235 So, the heat from the hand dryers 255 00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:46,204 purifies the particles in the air and cleans them. 256 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,540 KATIE: I make this face so she thinks I'm telling the truth. 257 00:08:48,575 --> 00:08:51,008 Okay, Mama, I hear you, 258 00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:53,712 and I have a solution that will make everyone happy. 259 00:08:53,747 --> 00:08:54,812 Yeah? 260 00:08:54,848 --> 00:08:56,714 I'll just pee in a mayonnaise jar. 261 00:08:59,953 --> 00:09:01,853 Greg? 262 00:09:01,888 --> 00:09:02,787 This is how you do it, buddy. 263 00:09:02,822 --> 00:09:06,257 You just... you push your nose through. 264 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,058 Yeah. 265 00:09:07,093 --> 00:09:08,592 Hey, good job, Luthor. 266 00:09:08,628 --> 00:09:10,327 You trained Greg to use the doggie door. 267 00:09:10,363 --> 00:09:12,529 Can you also train him to stop talking 268 00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:14,065 through "Bachelor in Paradise"? 269 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,768 Yes, Greg, they all have nice bathing suits. 270 00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:18,535 - How'd it go with Taylor? - I think I got through to her. 271 00:09:18,571 --> 00:09:19,603 - Oliver? - We made some progress. 272 00:09:19,639 --> 00:09:21,906 - Anna-Kat? - She's gonna pee in a mayonnaise jar. 273 00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:23,174 All right, we're getting closer 274 00:09:23,209 --> 00:09:24,708 to you feeling good about going to New York 275 00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:26,410 so you can kiss the ring and keep your job. 276 00:09:26,445 --> 00:09:27,711 Tomorrow morning, you'll talk with Ablin 277 00:09:27,747 --> 00:09:29,946 and figure out where Dr. Ellie is, and... Ahh! 278 00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:32,082 - What? - The sprinklers just went off. 279 00:09:32,117 --> 00:09:34,751 I've never used a bidet, but I finally get the appeal. 280 00:09:34,787 --> 00:09:37,954 281 00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:38,889 We need to talk. 282 00:09:38,924 --> 00:09:40,690 Was my assistant not out there to stop you? 283 00:09:40,725 --> 00:09:41,858 Donna's no hero. 284 00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:44,961 Why wasn't I informed Dr. Ellie was going to be away? 285 00:09:44,997 --> 00:09:46,729 I sent you maybe 10 e-mails. 286 00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:48,398 I blocked you after the millionth e-mail 287 00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:49,699 about Waffle Wednesday. 288 00:09:49,734 --> 00:09:51,968 It's Wednesday. There's waffles. I get it. 289 00:09:52,004 --> 00:09:54,304 - Who has time for this nonsense? - Don't you? 290 00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:57,540 I will have you know that I recently started working. 291 00:09:57,575 --> 00:09:58,809 You don't think that I can be a mom 292 00:09:58,844 --> 00:09:59,810 and have a life of my own? 293 00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:02,779 Can we wait a moment for my Ativan to kick in? 294 00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:04,213 Won't be long. 295 00:10:11,322 --> 00:10:13,655 [Sighs] There we are. 296 00:10:13,691 --> 00:10:14,890 Dr. Ellie is on medical leave, 297 00:10:14,926 --> 00:10:15,691 but she'll be back next week. 298 00:10:15,726 --> 00:10:17,326 In the meantime, I will continue 299 00:10:17,361 --> 00:10:19,161 to fill in as teacher for the wacky kids. 300 00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:21,130 Because of you telling her about the hand dryers, 301 00:10:21,165 --> 00:10:23,799 my daughter is scared to use the school bathroom. 302 00:10:23,835 --> 00:10:25,935 Well, would you look at me. Making a difference. 303 00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:28,437 You need to fix it or else! 304 00:10:28,472 --> 00:10:29,604 And before you get your hopes up, 305 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,640 it's not "or else ice cream cake"! 306 00:10:35,346 --> 00:10:37,746 Sir, would you be interested in a magazine subscription? 307 00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:38,947 Donna! 308 00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:43,651 309 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:44,986 - Taylor? - Mom? 310 00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:47,021 You are decorating Trip's locker? 311 00:10:47,057 --> 00:10:49,290 Didn't you hear a word I said to you last night? 312 00:10:49,326 --> 00:10:51,926 I did. That's why I'm doing things behind your back. 313 00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:55,763 - [School bell rings] - [Groans] 314 00:10:56,632 --> 00:10:59,000 OLIVER: There's nothing wrong with living simply. 315 00:11:01,671 --> 00:11:03,637 That's why we gave our below-deck crew 316 00:11:03,673 --> 00:11:05,773 Sunday mornings off to just have fun. 317 00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:12,546 318 00:11:12,582 --> 00:11:14,181 You know who I am? 319 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,883 I'm The Giving Tree. 320 00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:18,118 I never understood that book until now. 321 00:11:18,153 --> 00:11:21,822 After they've eaten all my apples and cut off my branches, 322 00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:23,357 I'll just be a stump. 323 00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:24,792 And then they're just gonna sit on me. 324 00:11:24,827 --> 00:11:26,660 Do you ever come here in a good mood? 325 00:11:26,696 --> 00:11:28,863 I want to keep my job, but how can I 326 00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:31,632 when it's just one problem after another with these kids? 327 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,901 Well, just hire nannies to take over for you. 328 00:11:33,936 --> 00:11:34,869 Sure, the kids will hate you for it, 329 00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:35,903 but on the flip side, 330 00:11:35,938 --> 00:11:37,170 when they have to go to therapy in a few years, 331 00:11:37,206 --> 00:11:40,573 they'll complain about how the nanny messed them up. 332 00:11:40,609 --> 00:11:42,375 Have you tried sage-ing their bedrooms? 333 00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,510 You mean that ridiculous thing you do 334 00:11:43,545 --> 00:11:45,978 where you burn dead leaves and it smells like garbage? 335 00:11:46,014 --> 00:11:47,747 A simple "no" would've been fine. 336 00:11:47,783 --> 00:11:49,982 Last month, I was filling out one of those doctor's forms, 337 00:11:50,018 --> 00:11:51,918 and in that space where they ask your profession, 338 00:11:51,953 --> 00:11:54,353 I wrote "mom." And then I was like, really? 339 00:11:54,389 --> 00:11:56,322 That's all that I am? Mom? 340 00:11:56,357 --> 00:11:59,025 But now I'm on the verge of having a career again. 341 00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:02,829 I am appreciated for my ideas. I earn money. 342 00:12:02,864 --> 00:12:04,864 There's four different kinds of creamer in the break room. 343 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,032 Had hazelnut coffee the other day. 344 00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,567 Didn't care for it. 345 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,669 You need to get your butt to New York this evening. 346 00:12:09,704 --> 00:12:10,870 For nine years, you've shown your kids 347 00:12:10,906 --> 00:12:12,003 a strong woman at home, 348 00:12:12,039 --> 00:12:15,006 and now you're showing them a strong woman at work. 349 00:12:15,042 --> 00:12:15,874 Hey, how about for now, 350 00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:17,876 you just be a strong woman at breakfast? 351 00:12:17,912 --> 00:12:19,077 Open this ketchup for me! 352 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:20,646 [Pops] 353 00:12:20,681 --> 00:12:22,514 Those big hands really pay off. 354 00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:24,349 [Laughter] 355 00:12:26,386 --> 00:12:27,953 Okay, buddy, here's the deal. 356 00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:29,822 You need to go outside. 357 00:12:31,892 --> 00:12:33,024 Who is a good boy? 358 00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:34,893 You're a good boy. Yes, you are. 359 00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:36,695 Yes, you are. You're my good boy. 360 00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:38,196 And you need to go out that door. 361 00:12:38,231 --> 00:12:39,364 You do. 362 00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:42,901 [Groaning] 363 00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:43,801 [As Scooby-Doo] Who ruvs you? 364 00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:46,571 I ruv you. Res, I do. 365 00:12:46,606 --> 00:12:48,305 [Grunting] 366 00:12:48,341 --> 00:12:50,942 This old outfit is terrible. 367 00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:51,843 Ruh-roh. 368 00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:53,377 It's like I'm wearing Spanx as outerwear. 369 00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:55,813 - [Normal voice] I think you look great. - Of course you have to say that 370 00:12:55,849 --> 00:12:57,782 because I'm your only source of action. 371 00:12:57,817 --> 00:12:59,249 Gotta pee. 372 00:12:59,285 --> 00:13:00,417 Gotta pee! 373 00:13:00,453 --> 00:13:01,751 - Gotta pee. - Where are you going? 374 00:13:01,776 --> 00:13:02,720 Use the bathroom. 375 00:13:02,755 --> 00:13:04,589 Still won't go to the bathroom at school, 376 00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:05,990 and I won't go here, either. 377 00:13:06,025 --> 00:13:07,792 It's disgusting! 378 00:13:07,827 --> 00:13:09,923 Principal Ablin was supposed to talk to you. 379 00:13:09,948 --> 00:13:10,895 He did. 380 00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:12,597 Class, I might have misspoken yesterday 381 00:13:12,632 --> 00:13:13,898 concerning the school bathroom. 382 00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:15,432 I said it was filthy. 383 00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:16,968 The truth is, it's no filthier 384 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:18,969 than any other room in school or at home. 385 00:13:19,004 --> 00:13:21,972 They're all like a port-o-potty at Bonnaroo. 386 00:13:22,007 --> 00:13:24,007 I got hella sunburned that weekend. 387 00:13:24,042 --> 00:13:26,910 Backyard's occupied! 388 00:13:26,945 --> 00:13:28,444 [Sighs] Anna-Kat is peeing outside. 389 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,080 The dog is peeing inside. Things are not fixed. 390 00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:33,416 - Always makes me laugh. - What, Cooper? 391 00:13:33,451 --> 00:13:35,018 Oh, it's just weird walking into your house. 392 00:13:35,053 --> 00:13:37,286 [Chuckling] No one announces you. 393 00:13:37,322 --> 00:13:38,989 Oliver, I heard that, after our talk, 394 00:13:39,024 --> 00:13:41,357 you went and gave a great presentation at school. 395 00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:42,458 You... You heard? 396 00:13:42,494 --> 00:13:44,093 I was at school for Anna-Kat. 397 00:13:44,129 --> 00:13:46,997 I peeked in on your class and told your dad all about it. 398 00:13:47,032 --> 00:13:48,832 You're never gonna guess! 399 00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:49,933 You had a good time at rehearsal 400 00:13:49,968 --> 00:13:51,600 and appreciate my parenting? 401 00:13:51,636 --> 00:13:53,836 Hardly. No, Trip got a new car. 402 00:13:53,871 --> 00:13:56,271 To celebrate the start of the first of my senior years. 403 00:13:57,542 --> 00:13:58,574 Come again? 404 00:13:58,609 --> 00:14:01,010 It took my brother three senior years to graduate. 405 00:14:01,045 --> 00:14:02,377 I'm hoping to do it in two. 406 00:14:02,413 --> 00:14:04,046 You will, smartie. 407 00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:05,781 So, Trip's Porsche is going to his sister, 408 00:14:05,816 --> 00:14:07,650 and his sister's old car is going to me. 409 00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:09,952 - Sweet! - [Doorbell rings] 410 00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:10,986 I don't even know where to begin. 411 00:14:11,022 --> 00:14:13,321 I know! It's a Mini Cooper. Isn't that great? 412 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:16,391 Mom's expression is not that of someone 413 00:14:16,427 --> 00:14:18,126 - who thinks something is great. - [Door opens] 414 00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:19,995 - Hey. - Hi! 415 00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:21,030 Hi. 416 00:14:21,065 --> 00:14:22,397 Guys, what are you doing here? 417 00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:23,966 Oh, we got all of your emergency texts 418 00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,167 about not having anything to wear, 419 00:14:25,202 --> 00:14:26,868 so we brought you this. 420 00:14:26,903 --> 00:14:28,670 Oh, looks like we weren't a moment too soon. 421 00:14:28,705 --> 00:14:30,872 I love you guys, but I'm not gonna need it. 422 00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:34,208 Do you want to know why? Jerk. Jerk. 423 00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:36,243 And the other one is peeing in the yard. 424 00:14:36,279 --> 00:14:37,478 Let's not give up hope yet. 425 00:14:37,513 --> 00:14:38,913 Last-ditch effort. You with me? 426 00:14:38,949 --> 00:14:40,882 I'm with you. 427 00:14:40,917 --> 00:14:43,585 Hey, guys. I have a presentation of my own. 428 00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:44,652 Come on. 429 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,489 COOPER: What's this? 430 00:14:48,524 --> 00:14:50,892 Pictures of Oliver's real summer vacation. 431 00:14:50,927 --> 00:14:55,096 [Banjo playing] 432 00:14:55,131 --> 00:14:57,765 This is making me sad. 433 00:14:57,801 --> 00:15:00,000 Turn it off. 434 00:15:00,035 --> 00:15:01,434 Turn it off! 435 00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:02,435 I don't see the problem. 436 00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:05,072 You can't just take a car from your boyfriend. 437 00:15:05,107 --> 00:15:07,874 She didn't take it, Mrs. A. I gave it to her. 438 00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:09,509 [Chuckles] Your mom thought you stole it. 439 00:15:09,544 --> 00:15:12,045 Trip, you are very close to needing to go 440 00:15:12,081 --> 00:15:13,914 to the bathroom again. 441 00:15:13,949 --> 00:15:16,182 And that, Cooper, is the candle that Oliver made. 442 00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:19,886 Why are you doing this to me? 443 00:15:19,922 --> 00:15:21,421 Because your mother always makes me take you 444 00:15:21,456 --> 00:15:23,256 when we go to the hat. 445 00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:27,761 Taylor, I want you to be a strong, independent woman, 446 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,296 not one of these kept Westport housewives. 447 00:15:30,332 --> 00:15:32,398 [Sniffs] It's lost that new-purse smell. 448 00:15:32,434 --> 00:15:33,566 Anyone want this? 449 00:15:33,602 --> 00:15:34,734 Like Doris. 450 00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:37,103 Well, Doris seems to be doing pretty well for herself. 451 00:15:37,139 --> 00:15:39,439 She sleeps late, brunches. 452 00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,040 She goes to the country club every day. 453 00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:43,209 Hey! I also have unlimited spending 454 00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:45,911 on Richard's credit cards. [Laughs] 455 00:15:45,947 --> 00:15:47,147 Doris may be doing well now, 456 00:15:47,182 --> 00:15:49,048 but look at the bigger picture. 457 00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:51,050 She's deep in her 30s, has no profession, 458 00:15:51,085 --> 00:15:52,718 and signed a prenup. 459 00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:54,120 And she's going to start getting wrinkles 460 00:15:54,156 --> 00:15:55,021 just around the same time 461 00:15:55,056 --> 00:15:57,923 Richard hires a hot, new, young assistant. 462 00:15:57,959 --> 00:15:59,792 And we all know how the story ends. 463 00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,560 How? How does the story end? 464 00:16:01,595 --> 00:16:03,995 With the hot assistant living in her house 465 00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,997 and Doris is perched on a stool 466 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,432 at the Cheesecake Factory bar 467 00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:09,067 desperate to catch someone's eye. 468 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,670 - Oh, my. - Doris, you look pale. 469 00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:13,805 - Are you okay? - I think I'm in trouble. 470 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,107 - Okay, I'll drive you home. - I need to be nice to Richard. 471 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,643 Do you remember how? 472 00:16:18,349 --> 00:16:19,472 Thanks, Mom. 473 00:16:19,497 --> 00:16:20,979 - I get what you're trying to teach me. - [Door opens, closes] 474 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,482 - You do? - Never sign a prenup. 475 00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:25,116 And you called me the smartie. 476 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,687 So, you lied about where you went this summer? 477 00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:31,523 Yeah. Thanks a lot, Dad. 478 00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:32,658 Dude! 479 00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:34,092 I'm your best friend. 480 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,493 You don't lie to me. 481 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,628 You lie to customs officials. 482 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,998 So, from now on, you're coming on vacation 483 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,199 with ol' Cooper B. 484 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,801 Everything first class. 485 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,602 Thanks, man. You're the best. 486 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,605 He's not the best. He's the worst. 487 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,009 I am trying to have my own life, 488 00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,210 but I can't, 489 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,545 because I am constantly having to 490 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,815 stop you and your sister from being idiots! 491 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,150 - Run. - I give, and I give, 492 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,252 and you just keep taking my apples! 493 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,554 Whoa! 494 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,023 What is she talking about? 495 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,025 [Laughs] This is so fun. 496 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,861 And you two are part of the problem! 497 00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:13,063 Whoa! [Laughs] 498 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,998 499 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,334 [Crunches] Thanks, Mrs. A. 500 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:21,371 Sorry I took so long. 501 00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:23,841 A squirrel saw me, and I got trigger-shy. 502 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:29,847 Thanks for trying, Greg. But I give up. 503 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,116 I am not allowed to have a life. 504 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,219 Damn it, Luthor! 505 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,486 [Whines] 506 00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:39,989 Of course. He's motivated by fear! 507 00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:41,991 Of all people, I should've thought of that. 508 00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,525 [Chuckles] 509 00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:47,836 With these kids, I can't keep this job. 510 00:17:47,897 --> 00:17:49,546 I can't kiss the ring. 511 00:17:49,571 --> 00:17:51,736 I can't make that kind of commitment. 512 00:17:51,761 --> 00:17:53,661 I know other moms do it. 513 00:17:53,735 --> 00:17:57,037 But they just have smarter kids with better friends. 514 00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:58,932 [Groans] 515 00:17:58,957 --> 00:18:00,289 ANNA-KAT: Mom, come downstairs! 516 00:18:00,325 --> 00:18:02,124 There's something we need to show you! 517 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,894 [Sighs] Why couldn't I just lay eggs like a sea turtle 518 00:18:04,929 --> 00:18:06,295 and be done with it? 519 00:18:06,331 --> 00:18:07,630 [Whines softly] 520 00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:12,402 [Sighs] 521 00:18:12,437 --> 00:18:13,302 What? 522 00:18:13,338 --> 00:18:14,771 Watch this. 523 00:18:19,878 --> 00:18:23,112 You called me down here to watch Cooper eat cheese? 524 00:18:23,147 --> 00:18:24,313 Not just any cheese. 525 00:18:24,349 --> 00:18:26,315 I'm eating a slice of Kraft Sing-lay. 526 00:18:26,351 --> 00:18:28,517 Singles. Kraft Singles. 527 00:18:28,552 --> 00:18:31,287 I'm gonna close my eyes and count to 10. 528 00:18:31,322 --> 00:18:33,356 Then I'm gonna start swinging at everybody. 529 00:18:33,391 --> 00:18:35,925 I've never eaten supermarket cheese before. 530 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,761 All our cheese is imported from Boulette d'Avesnes. 531 00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:40,429 Cooper realized that he's been part of the problem 532 00:18:40,464 --> 00:18:41,497 you've been having with Oliver. 533 00:18:41,532 --> 00:18:45,301 So, I'm going to try and be a regular human boy. 534 00:18:45,336 --> 00:18:47,803 No chauffeurs driving me and Oliver around, 535 00:18:47,838 --> 00:18:49,338 no more caviar facials, 536 00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:51,840 and no more rap battles with Lin-Manuel Miranda. 537 00:18:51,876 --> 00:18:53,175 - Dude! - No. 538 00:18:53,211 --> 00:18:55,544 - She needs this. - Trip? 539 00:18:55,579 --> 00:18:57,446 And I think I understand your issue with me and Taylor, 540 00:18:57,481 --> 00:19:00,115 so from now on, she's gonna be her own person, 541 00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,550 and she'll have to get her own car. 542 00:19:01,585 --> 00:19:04,453 And I'm gonna wear one of her jackets. 543 00:19:13,063 --> 00:19:14,095 Wait a minute. 544 00:19:14,131 --> 00:19:16,498 So, the two people that are making my kids jerks 545 00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:19,535 may just be the answer to making them less jerky? 546 00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:21,303 Go figure. 547 00:19:21,338 --> 00:19:22,237 Anna-Kat, do you think 548 00:19:22,272 --> 00:19:25,240 - you can start peeing inside now? - No. 549 00:19:25,275 --> 00:19:27,676 But Luthor has been peeing in the spots where I pee. 550 00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:30,312 That's something. Luthor's peeing outside. 551 00:19:30,347 --> 00:19:33,181 We fixed 3 out of 4. That's 75%. 552 00:19:33,216 --> 00:19:34,149 We took Taylor to Benihana's 553 00:19:34,184 --> 00:19:36,351 when she got that on a math test last year. 554 00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:37,752 I'll take it. 555 00:19:37,787 --> 00:19:39,387 Get dressed and go kiss that ring. 556 00:19:39,423 --> 00:19:40,488 With traffic this time of day, 557 00:19:40,523 --> 00:19:42,723 there's no way I'm gonna make it to New York in time. 558 00:19:42,759 --> 00:19:44,259 I'll be two hours late. 559 00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:46,361 I am so or-elsed. 560 00:19:46,396 --> 00:19:49,397 If only you had access to a helicopter. 561 00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:54,369 Permission to be rich again for a second? 562 00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,237 [Helicopter rotors whirring] 563 00:19:56,273 --> 00:19:57,405 Here I go. 564 00:19:57,441 --> 00:19:58,473 Go get 'em! 565 00:20:01,211 --> 00:20:02,377 What's wrong? 566 00:20:02,412 --> 00:20:03,410 Nothing. 567 00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:09,183 I couldn't have done this without you. 568 00:20:09,218 --> 00:20:13,854 569 00:20:13,889 --> 00:20:16,290 I don't know if it's true, but I feel like 570 00:20:16,325 --> 00:20:19,093 this helicopter wind is making me look fantastic! 571 00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:20,727 [Laughs] 572 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,930 573 00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:29,534 574 00:20:30,266 --> 00:20:32,813 WHITNEY: [Over speaker] Katie, you're here! 575 00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:35,973 You look fantastic. 576 00:20:36,782 --> 00:20:38,375 Come sit. 577 00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:40,612 Oh. 578 00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:41,976 Uh, I thought 579 00:20:42,047 --> 00:20:44,390 you were going to be here in person. 580 00:20:44,415 --> 00:20:47,182 [Laughs] You are a quirky one, Katie. 581 00:20:47,218 --> 00:20:48,795 [Chuckles] 582 00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:51,221 So, you were wrong about the ring being a metaphor. 583 00:20:51,256 --> 00:20:52,656 It was right there on the table. 584 00:20:52,691 --> 00:20:54,491 - Did you kiss it? - Of course. 585 00:20:54,526 --> 00:20:57,327 Why not? I kissed you when you had shingles. [Chuckles] 586 00:20:57,362 --> 00:20:58,828 - [Knocking on door] - Hey. 587 00:20:58,863 --> 00:21:00,763 Hey! You bringing me more clothes? 588 00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:02,799 No. This is filled with money. 589 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:05,268 I need to stash some away just in case Richard leaves me. 590 00:21:05,304 --> 00:21:06,736 After some careful introspection, 591 00:21:06,771 --> 00:21:09,072 I've realized I'm insanely unlikable. 592 00:21:09,107 --> 00:21:10,507 Where's your basement? 593 00:21:10,532 --> 00:21:13,014 Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 594 00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:16,779 595 00:21:16,829 --> 00:21:21,379 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0